By Tim Colin
Today I interviewed Dr. Rainwater, professor of industrial and manufacturing arts at Rig A Ma Roll University Online. Dr. Rainwater has developed over the last thirty years a brand new device which will monitor climate change worldwide. Last year Dr. Rainwater won the Nobel Peace Prize in Climatology for the invention of his device which should help farmers’ world wide. The United States Department of Agriculture has ordered 10 million devices at a cost of $7,000 each.
I met Dr. Rainwater at The Skuzz Town bar which is located just east of Skuzz Town Michigan. Skuzz Town is a small Michigan community located on a dirt road that has a sign which says “Seasonal Road” as you turn onto it just off M911. The town itself is made up of a bar, a hardware store and, several rental cabins.
Dr. Rainwater was a rather grizzly fellow with a long gray beard and long gray hair with streaks of black in it. Dr. Rainwater evidently is a collector of antique clothing since the wide lapelled leisure suit and dingy white turtle neck sweater he wore were made about ten tears before I was born. His high heeled shoes and candy striped bell bottoms told me the good doctor was a bit anachronistic (I always wanted to use the word “anachronistic”).
I asked Dr. Rainwater if he would mind showing me the device he had invented to monitor the weather. “No problem,” he replied as he pulled out an old metal coffee can out from a shopping bag that lay on the bar stool next to his. “This is it,” he said as he pounded it down in front of me. “It is environmentally friendly since it is made out of something that usually ends up in landfills and it works really well at measuring rainfall. Take a look inside and you’ll see where I’ve marked off the inches all up and down the can. The only thing I haven’t perfected is that every time it rains the numbers in the can kind of wash off. I’m experimenting with some different paints and inks to see if I can find one that won’t wash off when it rains. Once I do, my invention will be nearly perfect. It’s just too bad I have not found a clear coffee can so that I can mark the numbers off on the outside instead of the inside. I initially tried to put the numbers on the outside of the can but, you just can see through the metal just how much water there is inside.”
I tried to guzzle down the beer I had in front of me but, it stuck to the table so bad that there was no way I could lift it to my mouth. I finally had to ask the bartender for a straw. I didn’t want to spoil the good doctor’s enthusiasm but, I thought that I had seen a device already similar to the one he had invented. I believe it was called a rain gauge.
Doctor Rainwater went on to tell me that his invention was also being patented as a medical device. It seems not only could the device measure the amount of rainwater that had fallen but, it could help in diagnosing human drainage problems like an enlarged prostrate. Dr Rainwater also said that the device might have military applications. The doctor theorized his invention could be used to measure the fall out of radioactive debris after a thermonuclear war.
THE END
Monday, October 15, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
INCOME TAX PREPARATION BUSINESS
By Tim Colin
So many people are concerned about making out their income taxes that I decided this week to start a little income tax preparation business on the side. I have absolutely no training at tax preparation and have never filed an income tax form. I’ve seen a lot of people advertise that they can do income taxes. My uncle Mike does income tax in his insurance office. He said he makes sure people buy an IRA from him when he makes out the taxes that way he greatly increases his profits.
I looked into selling IRA’s to my clients but it seems you need some sort of license. It seems like you have to have a license to do anything now days. I need a license to sell securities, a license to drive, a license to go fishing. As far as a fishing license is concerned I’ve been permanently banned from fishing in most of the mid-west.
And as far as Canada goes I am banned from even crossing the border for the next five years. I guess it has something to do with the Winter Olympic Games they recently held. It seems you just can’t go out and compete in the down hill skeet shoot without being sponsored by a country. I also found out that skeet were just round disks people shoot in the air. I thought “skeet” was just another name for “skeeters” which is what we call mosquitoes in Northern Michigan. I was shooting at every pine tree I passed hoping that I might just wing a few skeeters.
I kind of wondered before I strapped on my skies, why you would be shooting at mosquitoes in the middle of winter. But, I figured Canadian mosquitoes are a lot larger than the variety we have in Michigan so they must have enough blood stored up in them to survive a cold Canadian winter. In Michigan our mosquitoes hibernate in places like my parents screen door. That way when spring first comes and you‘re lying in your bed the mosquitoes are ready to buzz around your head.
Now getting back to my income tax business, it seems that a lot of people need help filling out the forms. I started out offering tax services for just $10.00. I got almost 40 people to come in and have me fill out their forms for them. Of course I only charged $10.00 for the first week because I’m just getting started so the first week of customers is sort of practice. Next week I’m going to look at filling in some deductions for people. This week I just gathered up the basic information and sent the forms into the IRS. Nobody this week will be getting any money back from the government. Of course just to make people happy I made sure that I entered a zero for “taxes owed”. The people that come in next week will be getting some deductions and money back since I’ve decided to charge $5.00 for every deduction I fill in on the forms. There are a lot of forms that deal with deductions so I hope to make my clients and more importantly myself, a lot of money.
Making a lot of money by filing tax forms for people should be really lucrative so there might be some question as to why I’m not filing any tax returns on my tax return business. In addition, I am a bit concerned that since I am new to this business, that some of the forms I fill out might not be filled out correctly. Therefore, to avoid any problems I decided to fill in the name “Abraham Lincoln” where the tax preparer is supposed to sign. I believe that no one would question the integrity of “Abraham Lincoln” and besides, he’s not just a former president but, he’s a lawyer so who would want to haul him in for an audit.
So many people are concerned about making out their income taxes that I decided this week to start a little income tax preparation business on the side. I have absolutely no training at tax preparation and have never filed an income tax form. I’ve seen a lot of people advertise that they can do income taxes. My uncle Mike does income tax in his insurance office. He said he makes sure people buy an IRA from him when he makes out the taxes that way he greatly increases his profits.
I looked into selling IRA’s to my clients but it seems you need some sort of license. It seems like you have to have a license to do anything now days. I need a license to sell securities, a license to drive, a license to go fishing. As far as a fishing license is concerned I’ve been permanently banned from fishing in most of the mid-west.
And as far as Canada goes I am banned from even crossing the border for the next five years. I guess it has something to do with the Winter Olympic Games they recently held. It seems you just can’t go out and compete in the down hill skeet shoot without being sponsored by a country. I also found out that skeet were just round disks people shoot in the air. I thought “skeet” was just another name for “skeeters” which is what we call mosquitoes in Northern Michigan. I was shooting at every pine tree I passed hoping that I might just wing a few skeeters.
I kind of wondered before I strapped on my skies, why you would be shooting at mosquitoes in the middle of winter. But, I figured Canadian mosquitoes are a lot larger than the variety we have in Michigan so they must have enough blood stored up in them to survive a cold Canadian winter. In Michigan our mosquitoes hibernate in places like my parents screen door. That way when spring first comes and you‘re lying in your bed the mosquitoes are ready to buzz around your head.
Now getting back to my income tax business, it seems that a lot of people need help filling out the forms. I started out offering tax services for just $10.00. I got almost 40 people to come in and have me fill out their forms for them. Of course I only charged $10.00 for the first week because I’m just getting started so the first week of customers is sort of practice. Next week I’m going to look at filling in some deductions for people. This week I just gathered up the basic information and sent the forms into the IRS. Nobody this week will be getting any money back from the government. Of course just to make people happy I made sure that I entered a zero for “taxes owed”. The people that come in next week will be getting some deductions and money back since I’ve decided to charge $5.00 for every deduction I fill in on the forms. There are a lot of forms that deal with deductions so I hope to make my clients and more importantly myself, a lot of money.
Making a lot of money by filing tax forms for people should be really lucrative so there might be some question as to why I’m not filing any tax returns on my tax return business. In addition, I am a bit concerned that since I am new to this business, that some of the forms I fill out might not be filled out correctly. Therefore, to avoid any problems I decided to fill in the name “Abraham Lincoln” where the tax preparer is supposed to sign. I believe that no one would question the integrity of “Abraham Lincoln” and besides, he’s not just a former president but, he’s a lawyer so who would want to haul him in for an audit.
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